Lessons from a Mass Shooting
9 years ago today, I survived a mass shooting in Dallas - but 5 police officers did not. What I've learned about faith, hope and God - even in despair.
The worst of humanity’s most malicious calamities also empower its best.
It’s usually the slow-burning evils that sour the good until our souls turn rotten.
And, sometimes, they decay into the demonic.
Yet, at the same time, in this upside-down, inside-out world, immense good still grows.
On July 7, 2016, they clashed in Dallas
As one merged with Satan, bravery and morals strengthened five more.
Haunting Anniversaries
Nine years ago today, as the sun set over Dallas, I stepped between Micah Xavier Johnson and police officers as he raised his rifle to commence his mass shooting.
He assassinated three police officers as I ran for cover.
On this day, nine short years yet a lifetime ago, Satan dug his claws deeper into Johnson’s soul for torturous fun, having already claimed it for his own.
But as Johnson assassinated three heroes, angels guided the way to safety in a stairwell.
Then the demon killed two more.
What I Learned
First lesson: God makes zero sense yet multiple faithful officers sacrificed their lives to fight evil anyway.
The Devil’s Division
The foxhole - a stairwell - we reached was crowded with women and children.
Black.
White.
Muslim.
Christian.
None of it mattered. We were human. Women.
Darting out from under a black hijab cloaking a round face, a mother’s eyes glowed with a fiery red sunset.
Two small children - God’s favorite - silently cowered beneath the folds of her abaya.
The silver cross around my friend’s neck seemed to shine a bit brighter as Athena, like a guardian angel, stood sentinel, guarding the door.
Later, once the Dallas SWAT team arrived, strangers operated as a team, in unique, intrinsic harmony as we worked to help one another.
No jockeying for first escape, nothing of the sort - but obviously the mothers with small children went first.
But it was with profound love and with deep faith that we moved as one to ultimately escape.
Lesson: Race, religion, politics - none of them matter.
More importantly, none can overpower love.
Also, not a lesson, but thank you, Dallas SWAT team.
My Guardian Angel is Tenacious
Years later, I learned I was in Johnson’s line of fire.
If “line of fire” means I was between the assassin and his police prey, then yes, that’s correct.
Again, post-SWAT extraction, as I ran through flat, empty ground, with the shooter firing down somewhere nearby, my guardian angel most certainly carried my cumbersome self.
Flip flops and all.
If this were the first time I’d come surprisingly close to death, I may not make this argument.
But I’ve learned not to list all of the insane things I’ve survived for your sake. But there’s a lot… (I tried to type out a few minor things but, alas, it still felt like emotional exploitation).
My point is: the probability of one person having experienced these events, nonetheless surviving them without too much damage? Probably low (but actually calculating seems a bit depressing).
Lesson 1: My guardian angel has a difficult task and is rising to the many challenges.
Lesson 2: Let’s all be less reckless with our lives, shall we?
Hold onto the Love
After the shooting, Athena and I learned the shooter was targeting white people, especially police officers.
Yet it isn’t the evil - so distinct and pure - that I remember at all.
Nope.
In that instant, God - and faith - radiated most brightly.
Speaking through my friend,
“Hold onto the love.”
Lesson 1: Good and evil really coexist at once in shocking ways
Lesson 2: Hold onto the love to repel the hate.
Embed Prayer into Your Soul
I’ve accepted and processed the mass shooting - mostly - but this week every July, my body remembers.
Adrenaline rushes, keeping me on edge and forcing me to confront long-buried, fears haunting the corners of my mind.
Next, a visceral dose of human despair, vaccinating me against all hope.
Still, despite the GIANT knots in my muscles, inflammation throughout my joints, I fight through the mud.
Considering my shoulders have turned to stoned right now, I’m shocked I can type.
I want to lash out in anger, scream at God - but my priest has explained that while we all experience anger at God, it’s how we express it that matters.
Plus, God gets it - ever heard of His wrath?
(Valid reason not to yell at Him.)
Lesson 1: God understands our anger, but it’s important we take time to process it in healthy ways.
Lesson 2: Lashing out at God is not recommended, but He’ll still have your back (and Catholics - probably confess just in case).
Thanks for the Faith, Parents
In those agonizing moments, when I’ve given up and feel like I’ve already gone, my inner peace craves the protection of prayer.
“Angel of God, my guardian dear…”
Growing up, we said five nightly prayers without fail:
Angel of God
Hail Mary
Our Father
Glory Be
Act of Contrition
Now, as an adult, even if dissociating into the lighter veil or overpowered by fear, this Catholic is on autopilot.
When in purgatory, descending into madness or hell, frozen or fleeing, fearing fear itself…
“Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee…”
My parents armed me with faith, baptizing me into the Catholic Church, insisting we attend Mass every Sunday, and, now, sending me endless Jesus memes on FB.
Now, with all I’ve managed to endure, I know I wouldn’t have lasted without faith.
Not without God.
God armed me with words of magic - God guides me with the power of prayer.
Lesson 1: Thank your parents if you were raised knowing Jesus. Thank God you found faith whenever you did.
Lesson 2: Say your prayers until the words are seared into your soul.
In Honor of the Martyrs
Today, at this hour, I ask you to remember the fallen men and their families.
I ask you to say their names and think of their children:
Senior Corporal Lorne Ahrens
Officer Patrick Zamarippa
Officer Michael Krol
DART Police Officer Brent Thompson
Sergeant Michael Smith
And I ask you to join me in praying to Saint Michael for the protection of law enforcement and all people of goodwill:
Saint Michael, the Archangel,
Defend us in battle
Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray.
And do thou, o Prince of the heavenly host,
by the power of God,
Cast into hell, Satan and all evil spirits, prowling about the world, seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen.
As I write this, I’m learning of another mass shooting… on my block….
Not sure what the Universe is screaming right now… but I’ll keep writing, praying and living.
Lesson: Evil still exists for sure. Pray more.
Update: 8 injured, no one died, this was a targeted shooting at a club where this was bound to happen.
Thank you for reading this special piece.
Peace be with you.
Before you go… click the ❤️ (heart) below.
