I love how you mention that it’s fake. It can be so easy to say what you think people want to hear, or what would be easiest in the moment. Being a genuine person is rare, and can take guts.
As a school district leader, I see parallels between toxic positivity and how we sometimes address issues of retention—both with students and staff. When we dismiss retention as “not a big deal” or say “it’s just part of education,” we risk minimizing the real pain it can cause: students repeating grades often feel isolated and defeated, while staff turnover disrupts relationships and drains institutional memory.
Instead of glossing over these challenges, we need to approach them with empathy and a commitment to understanding the root causes. What systemic factors lead to these outcomes? How can we build environments where students and staff alike feel supported, valued, and capable of growth? Like responding to personal pain, addressing retention requires listening deeply, offering meaningful solutions, and ensuring people feel seen and supported in their struggles.
That is an interesting phrase. Will have to think about that one. Toxic positivity. I have dealt with that from friends with my PTSD. I never considered it positivity. It was more condescending than anything else with some of them. When they say I know just how you feel. I am thinking no you don't. I wouldn't say that to someone that was where I was at. The experience is different for each person. I do agree it would have been better if they would have shut up and listened. They only accomplished that I am not going to discuss with them anything going on inside me with these personal issues.
I guess what is bugging me about toxic positivity is giving it credit for being positive. It is just toxic in my mind. People can pretend that it is positive, but I no longer play the pretend game in life talking with people. It reminds me of a counselor that got mad at me when she said did you have a bad day? I said no, I never use that terminology. I might say I have an off day. If I say I had a bad day then I am accepting that as part of my life. That could become overwhelming with PTSD sometimes and the way you might view yourself. I view it as an off day. She got angry about that. She is someone at the VA helping Veterans deal with PTSD as well. Shows you that she doesn't really understand anything about dealing with it herself.
That is interesting to know, I worked as a Christian counselor for a bit, still do sometimes, it can be tough as I am very invested in helping and caring when I’m doing it.
Like with PTSD you change from who you used to be. There are many stages of dealing with it. If every time you had a flashback, nightmare, anti-social day and you don't feel right or normal inside, that is what you are dealing with. Coping skills change as well. So, you viewpoint of yourself has already changed as you are getting to know the new you and unexpected things can happen at anytime. If you decide everything that happens is negative or bad then human nature is you will start viewing yourself as bad. You can see it in all the people that turn to drugs and alcohol to deal instead of coping in a positive way. Then you have suicide as the solution for some. I figure her book learning is what taught her to say things like that. I take responsibility for it though. It is my mental health and no one can take care of it except me. I do have a medical background and Christian background. You could compare it to a parent saying to their kid they are bad over and over and eventually they will believe it. Keep telling someone with a mental health issue that their day is a bad day and they might believe that it is going to be a bad day for the rest of their life. I figured that out and said no I am not going to accept that into my life. I change it to an off day instead. Not the same connotation. I can't believe I shared so much about PTSD with someone. Lol, I do my psychiatrist. I trust her.
I appreciate you sharing this, it helps me understand better and I believe it’s good to open up about these things as well. I’m studying a bit about drug and alcohol use now from a spiritual perspective and what you said makes sense. When you get hard on yourself constantly it turns into a spiral.
This conversation reminds me of a book I read a long time ago.
The Power of the Tongue
By: Bill Winston
Synopsis
Did you know that you can turn your life around simply by changing the words that you speak. You will learn that your life is impacted by the words that proceed out of your mouth. Proverbs 1:21 states, Death and Life are in the power of the tongue.
I see that Kenneth Copeland has one by the same name. I haven't read it, but I probably will now that I know it is out there. Here is the synopsis of it.
Words have played a vital role since the beginning of time. In the book of Genesis, God created the world and everything in it with His words. Today, as believers, we have that same God-like ability to speak those things which be not as though they were.
Through God's Word, Kenneth Copeland reveals the Bible secret of words and the vital importance of using the tongue to create rather than destroy.
That is why people that want to help need to actually pay attention to what they are saying. Don't bring negativity into their words. You can hear people in all walks of life use that phrase I had a bad day or a terrible day. It is speaking negativity into your life and accepting it into your life. You don't know what those around you are going through when you do this. It might be all someone spiraling needs to hear to push them over the edge. People dealing with addictions will have to learn how to speak positivity into their life, but it won't be easy for them either. I promised myself when I started my PTSD journey that I would never be a homeless Vet or turn to drugs and alcohol to cope. Other people is probably the hardest thing to cope with. They don't understand and don't have to actually. Just acknowledge it is there, but all don't.
It's a good thing that people are putting a spotlight on this issue. Thanks!
I've seen it in a growing number of workplaces over the years and my experience is that toxic positivity can be just as suffocating as authoritarian leadership. In its extreme form, toxic positivity can invalidate real emotions, dismiss valid concerns, and leave you feeling like there’s no room to speak up---because if you do, you'll be labeled as “negative” or “not a team player.”
So true. Sometimes we want someone to just sit with us in it, uncomfortable though it may be. We don't need solutions; we just want to be heard. I once shared that I was feeling down with someone close to me, and they spouted out some solution, as though, if I had only done that thing they suggested, everything would be just peachy. I hung up on them. (It was my sister; I did apologize later.)
I call it belly button lint sniffing because it prevents an accurate outward look at flaws and vulnerabilities, including one's own to propaganda, falsehoods, and denial of the full extent of how modern technology can impact our lives for better and for the very worst. As one laser scientist once said "Why should we regulate, who would use a laser on another human being?" And now there are over 10,000 laser strikes on aircraft alone. Never mind the women in their beds, the driver who crashes... Positive people can be wonderful, but they never see the potholes right in front of them.
It is regular now in my opinion as I observe society and social etiqette. Folks are just in this negative spiral brought on by what I am labeling the D.A.I.C aka digital artificial intelligence complex. The level of delusion and illusions will only increase.
That's a great point, Alexander.
Sometimes all we need is empathy and compassion, not a fake motivational high-five.
Yup!
I love how you mention that it’s fake. It can be so easy to say what you think people want to hear, or what would be easiest in the moment. Being a genuine person is rare, and can take guts.
Yes, totally agree, can even cost certain things sometimes.
At a basic human level we all just want to be heard. A simple “I hear you” or “I feel you can work wonders, at least for me.
Absolutely
As a school district leader, I see parallels between toxic positivity and how we sometimes address issues of retention—both with students and staff. When we dismiss retention as “not a big deal” or say “it’s just part of education,” we risk minimizing the real pain it can cause: students repeating grades often feel isolated and defeated, while staff turnover disrupts relationships and drains institutional memory.
Instead of glossing over these challenges, we need to approach them with empathy and a commitment to understanding the root causes. What systemic factors lead to these outcomes? How can we build environments where students and staff alike feel supported, valued, and capable of growth? Like responding to personal pain, addressing retention requires listening deeply, offering meaningful solutions, and ensuring people feel seen and supported in their struggles.
That is such a great field you are in to observe this. For young minds it is so important to feel a real connection.
That is an interesting phrase. Will have to think about that one. Toxic positivity. I have dealt with that from friends with my PTSD. I never considered it positivity. It was more condescending than anything else with some of them. When they say I know just how you feel. I am thinking no you don't. I wouldn't say that to someone that was where I was at. The experience is different for each person. I do agree it would have been better if they would have shut up and listened. They only accomplished that I am not going to discuss with them anything going on inside me with these personal issues.
Yes, that’s what happens, we shut down and keep it inside when those around us show that they actually don’t really care to know what we truly feel.
I guess what is bugging me about toxic positivity is giving it credit for being positive. It is just toxic in my mind. People can pretend that it is positive, but I no longer play the pretend game in life talking with people. It reminds me of a counselor that got mad at me when she said did you have a bad day? I said no, I never use that terminology. I might say I have an off day. If I say I had a bad day then I am accepting that as part of my life. That could become overwhelming with PTSD sometimes and the way you might view yourself. I view it as an off day. She got angry about that. She is someone at the VA helping Veterans deal with PTSD as well. Shows you that she doesn't really understand anything about dealing with it herself.
That is interesting to know, I worked as a Christian counselor for a bit, still do sometimes, it can be tough as I am very invested in helping and caring when I’m doing it.
Like with PTSD you change from who you used to be. There are many stages of dealing with it. If every time you had a flashback, nightmare, anti-social day and you don't feel right or normal inside, that is what you are dealing with. Coping skills change as well. So, you viewpoint of yourself has already changed as you are getting to know the new you and unexpected things can happen at anytime. If you decide everything that happens is negative or bad then human nature is you will start viewing yourself as bad. You can see it in all the people that turn to drugs and alcohol to deal instead of coping in a positive way. Then you have suicide as the solution for some. I figure her book learning is what taught her to say things like that. I take responsibility for it though. It is my mental health and no one can take care of it except me. I do have a medical background and Christian background. You could compare it to a parent saying to their kid they are bad over and over and eventually they will believe it. Keep telling someone with a mental health issue that their day is a bad day and they might believe that it is going to be a bad day for the rest of their life. I figured that out and said no I am not going to accept that into my life. I change it to an off day instead. Not the same connotation. I can't believe I shared so much about PTSD with someone. Lol, I do my psychiatrist. I trust her.
I appreciate you sharing this, it helps me understand better and I believe it’s good to open up about these things as well. I’m studying a bit about drug and alcohol use now from a spiritual perspective and what you said makes sense. When you get hard on yourself constantly it turns into a spiral.
This conversation reminds me of a book I read a long time ago.
The Power of the Tongue
By: Bill Winston
Synopsis
Did you know that you can turn your life around simply by changing the words that you speak. You will learn that your life is impacted by the words that proceed out of your mouth. Proverbs 1:21 states, Death and Life are in the power of the tongue.
I see that Kenneth Copeland has one by the same name. I haven't read it, but I probably will now that I know it is out there. Here is the synopsis of it.
Words have played a vital role since the beginning of time. In the book of Genesis, God created the world and everything in it with His words. Today, as believers, we have that same God-like ability to speak those things which be not as though they were.
Through God's Word, Kenneth Copeland reveals the Bible secret of words and the vital importance of using the tongue to create rather than destroy.
That is why people that want to help need to actually pay attention to what they are saying. Don't bring negativity into their words. You can hear people in all walks of life use that phrase I had a bad day or a terrible day. It is speaking negativity into your life and accepting it into your life. You don't know what those around you are going through when you do this. It might be all someone spiraling needs to hear to push them over the edge. People dealing with addictions will have to learn how to speak positivity into their life, but it won't be easy for them either. I promised myself when I started my PTSD journey that I would never be a homeless Vet or turn to drugs and alcohol to cope. Other people is probably the hardest thing to cope with. They don't understand and don't have to actually. Just acknowledge it is there, but all don't.
Amen. The current popular culture doesn't help enlighten. & everyone follows it like sheep.
A kind of epidemic.
It's a good thing that people are putting a spotlight on this issue. Thanks!
I've seen it in a growing number of workplaces over the years and my experience is that toxic positivity can be just as suffocating as authoritarian leadership. In its extreme form, toxic positivity can invalidate real emotions, dismiss valid concerns, and leave you feeling like there’s no room to speak up---because if you do, you'll be labeled as “negative” or “not a team player.”
Cheers.
This has also led to the counter-trend, "it's okay not to be okay." But that's equally harmful (as well as manifestly) untrue: https://ancientwisdommodernlives.com/p/positivity-poisoning-the-holidays
Yes, being genuine sometimes is dangerous... But on the other hand, it shields from hypocrisy and incoherence. By the way, great music...
Thank you!
So true. Sometimes we want someone to just sit with us in it, uncomfortable though it may be. We don't need solutions; we just want to be heard. I once shared that I was feeling down with someone close to me, and they spouted out some solution, as though, if I had only done that thing they suggested, everything would be just peachy. I hung up on them. (It was my sister; I did apologize later.)
This happens often I think, it’s good that we can also forgive each other.
Yeah...the worst advice that I got from a very close relative was, "God helps those who help themselves." Like I hadn't been trying to.
And where did that phrase come from anyway?
Doesn't sound like God.
That’s awful, exactly what I’m talking about
I call it belly button lint sniffing because it prevents an accurate outward look at flaws and vulnerabilities, including one's own to propaganda, falsehoods, and denial of the full extent of how modern technology can impact our lives for better and for the very worst. As one laser scientist once said "Why should we regulate, who would use a laser on another human being?" And now there are over 10,000 laser strikes on aircraft alone. Never mind the women in their beds, the driver who crashes... Positive people can be wonderful, but they never see the potholes right in front of them.
Well said, love the potholes analogy, so true!
It is regular now in my opinion as I observe society and social etiqette. Folks are just in this negative spiral brought on by what I am labeling the D.A.I.C aka digital artificial intelligence complex. The level of delusion and illusions will only increase.