Sometimes, when I lie in bed in the evening, I feel so lonely and abandoned by everyone that I don’t even have the strength to pray. I just lie there, overwhelmed with sadness. At such moments, the only thing I want from God is a hug.
Can God give hugs?
A baffling notion, isn’t it? But I have felt those hugs. It’s a feeling of light and warmth that engulfs my mind and my entire body. The sensation is very brief, but it leaves me relaxed and in peace. It’s like a drug, without the side effects. Well, except for the addiction, because, once you’ve felt it, you want more and more. God doesn’t give me a lot of it, though. I’ve often wondered why. If I had it every day, no doubts would have ever entered my mind. I’d fear nothing. ‘Why aren’t you giving me more of your hugs, God?’ I’ve asked Him. I never received an answer to this, so I’m a bit pouty on the subject. Is God cold-hearted? Is He hug-stingy? Is He too busy to show me His love?
Or does He want me to love Him even without indulging in His luxuries?
Or…
A few weeks ago, feeling weighed down by my current social isolation, as well as continuous health issues, I asked for a hug again. I was curled under my blanket, the night lamp off, my husband sleeping next to me, and I kept on asking and asking. I miss You. I want to feel You. Just for a moment. I want Your presence in me. I want a hug. Hug me, please. Please. Please.
And then, something extraordinary happened.
I heard God laughing.
Just like His warmth and His light, His laughter was in me, permeating my whole being. Have you heard the way a small child laughs when they see their parent after a long absence? Such was God’s laughter. Pure, unrestrained joy. As if at that moment, nothing else existed in the world except me. As if I was His everything.
He sounded so profoundly happy to be with me, that I was flabbergasted.
When the moment passed, I felt relaxed, but not exactly at peace.
I swear that God sounded as if He needed to be hugged by me more than I needed to be hugged by Him.
What’s going on here? I asked myself.
Is it possible that…
…I want things from Him, but I don’t give things to Him?
That I want Him to be with me, but I’m not with Him?
That I want Him to make me happy, but I don’t make Him happy?
Actually…
…how often do I think about Him during the day?
I understood that I had to change something.
And I did.
Over the following weeks, regardless of the nature of my activities during the day, I’d pause every other hour to spend time with Him.
Basically, to tell Him that I love Him.
And you know what? Since then I haven’t felt the need to ask for a hug.
Maybe because I feel that hug every time I say ‘I love You!’
If you enjoyed this post, read Kathrin Elaine’s beautiful words.
Beautiful!! Thanks for this inspiring read! ✨
You’re building a beautiful and close relationship with God.