Celebs in Space: False Idolatry Rockets to Intergalactic Heights for Holy Week
Katy Perry, Gayle King, Lauren Sanchez & Girl Squad Break Records with all-female Holy Week Space Mission. Happy Holy Week.
Pop stars, absurdities of modern times, and insane levels of false idolatry really ruined altered the course of this article.
Originally, this article began with Lenten promises and lovely saint things like:
“…rejoicing at the canonization of our Saint Carlo Acutis”
“…while pondering Saint Rita of Cascia,”
“revisiting St. Therese of Liseaux,”
“and praying to Saint Helen.”
And it’s true: I’m so taken by Saint Carlo Acutis, a young man lived and suffered for others, using simple technology to do God’s work in this millennia.
Seriously, the First Millennial Saint is adorable.
Today, I planned to challenge each of you to use Substack like Saint Carlos Acutis, questioning your own motives, asking yourself:
“How will people remember my Substack when I die?”
But, alas, the existential crisis I intended to spark shall wait:
Katy Perry & Lauren Sanchez Go To Space Today.
As I open the news, I’m struck by the following headlines:
Katy Perry Says She Will “Put the ‘A**’ in Astronaut.” No, She Really Won’t - by Shannon Palus for Slate (excellent tone)
Katy Perry, Gayle King, Lauren Sanchez and 3 other women prep for space - The Daily News
Their Space Suit, Their Way cute misogyny from NYT and possible reference to the space suit incompatibilities suffered by stranded NASA astronauts.
Okay, the accomplished women escorting these troublemakers are:
Aisa Bowe, former NASA Rocket Scientist and entrepreneur
Amanda Nguyen, Activist and bioastronomics research scientist
Kerianne Flynn, filmmaker
Yes, at 9:30 AM EST on Monday, 14 April 2025, Lauren Sanchez (Jeff Bezos fiance), Katy Perry (obnoxious pop star and AMERICAN IDOL judge), Gayle King and other women are rocketing into outer space without any men!
Humanity Ruins Entire Galaxy, Requiring God to Send Astronaut Jesus
As if the space junk weren’t polluting our orbit enough, a billionaire is blasting the first all female flight crew into space.
Society celebrates a billionaire who used his technology to reinvent mass consumerism and then built a fancy phallic ship for blasting celebrities into outer space (and, yes, bring them home).
Contrast that adulation with this young man, Saint Carlos Acutis, who embraced his earthly suffering so thoroughly to be brushed with grace, all while determined to spread his deep faith and document miracles (which he also kept going).
Bezos’ technology may be capable of both running and ruining the world - and beyond, apparently.
Pilgrims lined up for miles to adore relics of Saint Carlos (who died of leukemia at 15) in Assisi, Italy.
But, don’t worry, the Kardashians are invited to the Bezos-Sanchez nuptials in Venice.
Bezos’ technology may be capable of both running and ruining the world - and beyond, apparently.
Yet Saint Carlos’ simple database resulted in miracles for others and his canonization.
If Saints Aren’t Your Thing, Maybe Science Is
Of course, science and space exploration are important and endlessly fascinating.
To be clear, the Catholic Church’s stance on science has evolved - it’s now a fan of astrophysics and there is even a Vatican Observatory.
While America suddenly struggles with scientific concepts, at least we used to make history by attempting to send teachers like Christa McAuliffe into space (may her soul rest in peace).
Or, at least, when, in 1970, the astronauts of Apollo 13 returned to Earth safely after suffering a catastrophe in space, the entire planet joined in prayer and hope.
As Hollywood taught us, the Pope even led a prayer ceremony in Saint Peter’s Square.
Yet, Elon Musk just made history for rescuing two American astronauts seemingly stranded in space for eight extra months.
We did not watch, celebrate and pray together a la Apollo 13.
No, apparently people were too busy protesting Musk to notice this… minor good deed for mankind?
Do you know who Suni Williams is?
The first American woman stranded on the International Space Station (ISS) for eight months - yet she remains gracious and humble.
Blasting an all female crew consisting of female celebrities… just hits differently.
Oh, plus three unnamed female astronauts.
But we all know the names Katy Perry (and her treatment of nuns and the elderly veterans’ whose earth lands she covets), Lauren Sanchez, Bezos’ wife who even designed the cleavage baring “looks,” and Gayle King, an admirable woman but not an astronaut.
UPDATE: Latest article from NYP: Blue Origin’s all-female crew, including Katy Perry and Lauren Sanchez, prep for glammed-up space launch
But If You’re Gonna Send Celebrities to Space…
Last year, George Clooney, actor and sometimes-American, had the privilege to publish his opinion in NYT (doubt he had to query), resulting in the election being upended.
Now, the same Clooney doesn’t deign to associate too closely with THE President Barack Obama.
Megan Markle understandably executed her ambitions to outgrow Suits. “Duchess” suited her well until it didn’t. Royalty wasn’t enough - but what is above her station?
The heavens.
Seriously, Sussex-now’s carefully cultivated persona is perfect for such a mission - but alas, not falsely idolized enough for Bezos.
I could go on, but we all live in this celebrity-obsessed and -dominated world.
The powerful are hungry.
The royals are thirsty.
People are people.
Celebrate a Sinner or Study a Saint?
But it isn’t only celebrities…
Sadly, the majority of Americans will know the name Luigi Mangione but Saint Carlo Acutis will remain a stranger.
Not only that, but how many people across the globe celebrate and elevate Luigi Mangione, a privileged, overly-educated alleged assassin?
In this world, an alleged cold blooded killer is celebrated by the masses - adored even in a blasphemous Madonna candle.
Luigi Mangione, receives $830,000 in donations for allegedly plotting and executing a cold-blooded murder of a father.
Apparently, poor little Luigi suffered chronic pain with spinal pins for a few years and lost his insurance in adulthood. Hence the murder.
Yet, Saint Carlos Acutis suffered and died from leukemia, while still documenting, highlighting and tracking verified miracles, spreading faith in God’s grace to every corner of the Internet.
A woman slipped a heart-shaped letter into socks deemed unsuitable for Mr. Mangione’s loafers as his blood money donations total $830,000 as of April 4, 2025 (something that insane deserves repeating).
Saint Carlos Acutis is known for rocking a hoodie and sneakers.
And, yes, Lauren Sanchez is known for her gravity-defying cleavage.
A Mission: Holy Week and Beyond
Katy Perry’s resume featuring a judgmental role on American Idol is… perfectly fitting.
How much longer can our world continue this way?
At which point does false idolatry reach peak toxicity and drown us all?
During this Holy Week, I pray we remember the suffering of Jesus - some of which Saint Carlos experienced.
May we celebrate the women and mothers who sacrifice those they love most, as Mary did for Jesus, St. Rita of Cascia did for her sons and countless women do each day.
May we remember to recognize the strength and find humility in our suffering - and relieve the burdens suffered by others.
May we live the virtues we signal, forgive the sins of ourselves and those of others as we work towards redemption.
May we learn to look and connect to the souls gifted to us by God, worship and thank the Kings of Kings, and discover missions worthy of blessed recognition.
Lest we risk chasing direction in the most deserted of deserts.
You choose.
Starting this Holy Week.
And, Godspeed to the lady ‘nauts.
Before you go… click the ❤️ (heart) below.
Happy Holy Week!
P.S. Sinners make the best saints. My favorite priests are Augustinians. They follow Saint Augustin who sinned a lot but became a saint. These are the priests who go to the prisons and actually make a difference.
Great piece Allison. Happy Holy Week to you! ✨🕊️
Beautiful, Allison. Have a blessed Easter! Maybe catch up next week?