You Must Die

It’s easy to brainwash yourself. It’s another thing to truly live in your identity as sons and daughters.

This picture was precisely me that night I finished my last shift being an intern doctor, where I escaped—not “ended”—my career in medicine.

You don't end something like that. You can't.
You can't even try escaping—you must get out at all costs, even if it costs you life, a life you hate its guts.

I never hated anyone or even held a grudge, especially after I was born again in Christ.

Neither have I ever hated anything else as much as I hated being a doctor.

I don't hate medicine or doctors, but I hate myself for being one.

That hate is still so fresh and intense in me, driving me to risk losing everything for freedom.

It's like there's something about that life I escaped that still disturbs me to this day—

the vanity, delusion, and stability of a socially acknowledged life that just can't agree with your soul and spirit. It drains you, frustrates you, and stresses you out each day as you think about going to work—yet people bury themselves in it, living in the deception of fulfillment and success.

Papillon (1973 Film) has never been a prisoner.

But many are, as soon as they forget that the essence and engine of life is freedom—that you might have to break free a thousand times before you can die as a true free man.

That's our battle against the world—its lust and temptation, its corruption and sin—over and over, a battle that lasts until we die, having endured all things and being truly set free.

But the one who endures to the end, he will be saved. Matthew 24:13

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Faith will kill your ambitions

My ambition was to be a world-famous, legendary, to-be-remembered writer like J.R.R. Tolkien.

I’m still a writer. I’m still writing. I write even more than ever, yet I have no ambition anymore.

I realized that my ambition in my writing career stemmed from a desire for validation—programmed into me by culture and upbringing—that I’m smart, incredible, superior, gifted, chosen, promising.

I don’t need any of that anymore.

I am validated, chosen, gifted.

I am a daughter of God.

It’s easy to brainwash yourself. It’s another thing to truly abide in your identity as sons and daughters.

All I ever wanted—the truth and eternity—I have.

I’ve died to myself, my ego, my sin, my ambitions.

I am free—and whom the Son sets free is free indeed.

If God is willing, all I wanted shall be added to me.

If not, I’m already fulfilled.

I killed my ambition in writing, yet I write more than ever. More effortlessly than ever. More naturally, more consistently. Inspirations flow within me. Motivations come to me.

Those who have, more shall be given.

Those who surrender, victory comes after victory.

Those who wait, the best is reserved.

Those who let go, grace and favor visit them.

The truth is always counterintuitive.

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You must die

“Verily, verily, I say unto you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit. He that loveth his life shall lose it, and he that hateth this life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal.” John 12:24-25

All things must flow: creativity, relationships, money.

I’ve always believed in effortlessness—and by that, I mean extra effort behind the scenes.

I was half right.

Yes, when God’s hand is in your life, all things prosper and multiply, but at a price the majority are not willing to pay: “You” must die.

You must be merely a vessel. You must serve His purpose, which is the reason you were born.

If you can’t deny yourself, you can’t follow Him.

If you can’t follow Him, you won’t find His purpose for you.

If you can’t find that purpose, you will never be fulfilled; you will always be at the mercy of your circumstances and emotions.

If you can’t be fulfilled, you will always struggle with sin—lust, particularly, for food, sex, or substances.

Only when “you” die can Christ live through you. He is the living water, and from that point on, all things start flowing.

Though your circumstances won’t change with a snap of the fingers, you’re thirsty no more. While you are physically in the wilderness, your rod blossoms and bears mature fruit, like Aaron’s.

Fruits in the wilderness are a sign that your wilderness season has ended. The Promised Land is knocking at the door.

Everything we learned growing up is upside down.

Your mind must be renewed first before you can prove the perfect will of God for your life.

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You’re not a believer; you’re a struggler.

If you grow bored with this Christian living, it’s not time to quit—it’s time to level up.

Carnal Christianity will keep you stuck. And nothing that is stuck can prosper; it is dead.

Strengthen your spirit. Take off your blindfold and acknowledge the spiritual realm. It’s time to live your best life as a Christian—by making the most of your access to the Holy Spirit.

Do you believe that the Bible is the Word of the living God?

Do you accept all of it, or do you only take the lines that make sense to your carnal mind?

Well, let me show you a verse in the Bible that your dead church shies away from:

“And these signs shall follow them that believe; In My name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.” Mark 16:17-18

Surprise, surprise. You don’t really believe.

You are struggling to believe what you don’t believe.

That’s why you can’t deny yourself.

That’s why your conversations are mostly about your spouse, children, football, bills, stress, and gossip.

But don’t be discouraged.

The difference between you and non-believers is that you’re willing to struggle to believe. They don’t.

That makes all the difference.

But how about not struggling at all?

How about surrender?

How about flowing with the Holy Spirit? How about letting Him lead you wherever He wants, even if it freaks you out?

How about leaning back into His arms?

How about even if, instead of what if?

What is there in this world that you can’t let go of for Jesus?

Think about it.

You are reading this, so you’re certainly called.

“Blessed is he who takes no offense at Me.” Matthew 11:6

Are you offended by Jesus, who said, “Many are called, few are chosen?”

Who said, “Depart from Me, I never knew you.”

Who said, “Because you’re lukewarm, I will spit you out.”

Don’t let your perception of Jesus be limited by the imaginations of others.

Figure Him out for yourself.

As you go, preach the gospel and make disciples.

“If you want God’s best, want God’s best.”—Derek Prince

Thank you for reading!

My name is Alice. This is my first post with Lighthouse.

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