This Is the Thing

Influence

Unsplash | George Pagan III

“I don't know if you notice anything missing
Like the leaves on the trees or my clothes all over the floor
And I don't know if you even notice at all
Cause I was real quiet when I closed the door” — Fink

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I hope summer has treated you well. We did our annual July trek home to Oregon — to a very small town, that my dad found years ago, among the Christmas tree farms.

There is something so special about small anything. In a small town, it’s easy to notice the amount of homes (1,227), street lights (1), hanging flower baskets (approx. 10), eateries (2), wide open spaces (lots and lots), a lost dog, cars on the road (not many), people willing to wave (many). And much more.

But is it different in terms of paying attention? noticing? For some, no. The county has a drug problem. People drink, gamble, abuse, work too much or not at all.

This isn’t life in a small town. It’s just life.

Put the addition of a screen in front of someone and time suddenly fades away. I read a study that we are losing years on our life from screens.

In my last personal piece, I wrote this:

“Life is more than what we are fed through screens — which have, in turn, delivered the illnesses of instant, impatience, intolerance and indifference.”

I left out “influence.” It should have been the first “i.”

Back in the day, (maybe today?) our parents, or someone raising us, would say things like, “he/she is not a good influence on you. Don’t listen to them. Find someone who is.”

Unsplash | Diggity Marketing

The earliest forms of media “influence” include cave paintings, clay tablets, and oral storytelling, followed by the development of writing systems like hieroglyphs and alphabets. Print media, with the invention of the printing press, marked a significant shift, with Gutenberg's press enabling mass production of books and other materials. Verbal storytelling, while not "media" in the modern sense, served as the primary means of communication for many early civilizations.

Ever since man created a screen, to stare at, we have been entertained, distracted, sometimes zombified, in trains, planes, automobiles, homes and everywhere we go, headsets in tow. We did carry around portable tape players and boom boxes for a few decades prior to Smart Phones. The phone has replaced the book on the toilet. Oops, or the t.v. in the bathroom.

When my parents bought that van with the t.v. screens on the back of the front seats, (because it was a nice gesture they thought), I said no. We (the grandkids and I) were traveling up the coast of Oregon, during our summer visits. They did not need cartoons. They needed twinkling trees and the Pacific Ocean.

“Early efforts to combine automobiles and televisions date back at least to the 1950s” - < google search >

I think where I’m going with this is simple commentary. Observation over myself, in my home and outward. Since losing a beloved dog a week ago, I’ve had that sad feeling that we as humans get everything wrong, and well, they — dogs — get everything right.

After all, dog is God spelled backwards.

Is our society worse — or is it that influence/pre-occupation is the thing? The thing we can’t see, even though we are staring right at it 24/7. Good or bad.

We have completely lost our way if we can’t walk away from ALL screens for days — weeks, maybe months. To save our lives. To come back to reality.

Our little pack leader herded us into walking daily. No phones.

“The thing” that got me started, was I opened a news app a few days ago to see: “TikTok influencer's (over 1.5 million “followers”) husband placed sports bet just before 3-year-old son drowned in family pool.” He was babysitting their newborn and a toddler son while she was with friends.

Police reports stated it was “clear the father’s attention was divided.”

And I ask? is that normal? it is —

What I’m talking about here is not new. Every resource known to man has been amplified and megatized/monetized — on a screen.

Everything lives and incubates on a screen. 24/7 armchair influencers, themselves, have become our habits and addictions. I find it creepy.

And before I sound like a crotchety old woman blaming the new world on all our old problems:

"What has been will be again, what has been done is done again; there is nothing new under the sun" - Ecclesiastes 1:9

I will never forget the sinking feeling I had in hearing about a local pastor taking his young life in 2018. Married with three very young boys at the time. Come to find out the pressures to perform, to carry on his dad’s important ministry, were a bit much for an already complicated brain. The Russell Crow movie, “A Beautiful Mind,” comes to mind. Many of us already struggle on the inside, while looking normal on the outside. He had barely recovered from the loss of his father to cancer. He sat in his father’s office everyday without him. And it seemed the direction of the church, (almost all churches), was going the way of more social media marketing.

The pastor’s beautiful wife went on to be an influencer, sharing about suicide, writing books, and traveling abroad to a conference, to join many young wive’s of pastors who had also taken their lives. I noticed she has pulled back.

Does Jesus require a pastor? or a social media performer? I had so many thoughts coming at me — it overwhelmed my soul. I kept asking, did this happen when I was growing up and prior to that? Why were pastors taking their lives? They do, in fact, deal in death and tragedy. They are not just pastors, but counselors, carers and shoulders to cry on. It is part of their livelihood, and yes, they do take their lives.

“A 2016 Duke University study found pastors experience depression and anxiety at rates three times higher than the general population, according to Brent Dyer Counseling. Additionally, 71% of clergy members reported experiencing moderate to severe levels of burnout.” < google search >

Were the flashing marquees advertising “follow us on Facebook, Instagram, etc.,” a way of keeping up with the world or putting more pressure on the pastor? Was he now supposed to show his life on Instagram and TikTok? Were the walls crumbling? The private space away from the hospital called “church,” slowly invaded and up for judgement?

A year before, I had left the church I was attending. The fine line of humility and showy was getting under my skin. I had become a judge in the pews. Not a listener of the word. The church was becoming a vessel of desperate preachers using influence vs. the Book of Acts. Worship was a rock concert. Cool. But.

I was distracted — and the devil appreciates that immensely.

What was the dad thinking while “watching” his three year old and newborn baby? He was distracted. My heart is gutted for that family.

We had our young grandkids for the weekend again. We were tired from traveling and the sudden loss of our sweet dog. I had to stay on my toes, screaming for them in the park at one point. Learning how to geocache on a busy street. Cars zooming way too close to us. Nope. My husband was far more tired from having to go back to full-time work. I never let my guard down. I grew up a gate keeper, an older sister. Then a mom.

In a heartbeat life changes.

We can only have so many demands and so many distractions.

Life is too fragile. We must pay attention — not just to what’s around us — but to checkin with ourselves. Take a time-out if necessary.

Mistakes are made when our focus is off of what is most important in the moment.

Hands on the wheel. Priorities.

Real life is not “your content” — an unfulfilling thumbs-up or heart emoji.

I’ll say it again. We need God and a dog. Not just a dog, because that could become an addiction or a distraction too. But — as with people, we can also grow distant, bored, and forget about them. The “i” words, remember?

With God, is to be alive and not alone.

To notice. Listen. And care.

We need His leadership. His distraction. His Love. His Likes. His approval.

His influence.

Period.

This is the thing.

“And the things that keep us apart
Keep me alive
The things that keep me alive
Keep me alone”