Interview with Coleman

Interview with Coleman

Hey friends and readers,

Today I present an interview with one of our favorite Substackers,

Coleman

. Without much further commentary from me, let’s get right into it:

So glad to be doing this with you. You are one of the most interesting and fascinating bloggers out there and it’s always impressive to observe your resilience and growth.

1.Let us begin. Could you tell those who have never read your stuff who you are and why you write your blog?

Nothing more fun than an introduction where you try and condense yourself down into a paragraph or two. My name is Justin Coleman and I write from my experiences growing up, and coming up, in the gangland 80’s and 90’s which led to me spending half of my life in prison for a murder I committed when I was 17 years old. 

I started writing on Substack because I was knee deep fighting the entire Twitter-verse one day about Rehabilitation and why they didn't understand when the owner of Wrong Speak Publishing messaged me and asked if I would write an article about this for them. He explained to me how to create an account here and the rest is history. 

Part of the reason I write on here is because I came to discover that due to my unusual background, unusual personal makeup, and the fact that I had been completely removed from the really-real world for so long, I had a perspective that others didn't. Not better mind you, I could just see things from a different angle. So I started writing from that position and so far people seem to dig it. 

The other, and simpler, part I do this is because I'm a storyteller. I always have been. I was always the guy standing on a car hood, or a table, or bar top, telling stories to whoever was there to entertain everyone. Even as a kid. My current life doesn't allow much opportunity to do that and it felt good to share these old times, old memories and people I knew. That's why a huge chunk of my articles have no purpose beyond telling a story about my past and being entertaining. 

2.Naturally, you write “convicts perspective”, so could you tell me what was the most difficult thing about prison life?

The most difficult thing about prison life? Man, how do I approach that? I suppose people would imagine it's the violence or constant tension or the gangs but all of that was ingrained into me before I even started grade school so it was a familiar way of doing things. I actually thrived in there once I'd made a name for myself. Oddly enough I look back at it all nostalgically. I loved those Convict's, I enjoyed the way we were. Much how many of your readers look back on their college years with a sense of longing for those younger, wilder times. 

Leaving was absolutely the most difficult. Hands down. I had wanted to sabotage my release by catching a new case. However, I had promises to keep. Brothers who saw this building up in me demanded I not disrespect them by staying since many of them will never get out. I was leaving a life I not only understood but where I also lived at the top of the food chain. I was the equivalent to a millionaire celebrity out here within my walls. And now I was off to do things I've never done, to live in a way I've never lived, all from nothing. I walked out having never seen the free world as an adult and was expected to get it right the very first time. It's still difficult to this day. 

3.How about, what was the positive thing about prison, what did you learn?

Positive thing about the joint? I could actually list many things but they would largely be unique to my experience so I doubt that's very helpful. If I were being forced to pick one with a pistol to my head I would have to say that it gave me a code to live by. There's inmates and then there's Convicts. The latter lives by a set of rules that separated us from the weaker “just do whatever you want” criminals. There were rules to the life, right and wrong ways to live and go about it. Things I've carried to my current life as a citizen and have been the difference maker in my success.

4.Did you have a close friend and if yes, what did you learn from him and are you still friends?

I had far more than just close friends. I had men who'd ride and die with me and whom I was proud to do the same for. I had brothers in the trenches. “Roll Dogs$, men I could simply say, “let's roll dog” as I walked past them and who would immediately jump in pace with me knowing we're heading into something violent. No questions asked, no explanations expected or needed. 

However, if I were to pick one, it would be Moe. An old Convict I've written about a couple of times who took me in when I was feral and brand new to the joint. He's the father figure my life gave me. He taught me how a man conducts himself, how to use my head, how to throw hands, use a knife in a fight, how to cook with what you've got, and even how to shave. I deeply love and miss that man. While I'm still friends with many men I knew in there, Moe got out after 30 years and did exactly what he always told me he'd do. Disappear. Wherever he is, I know he's the king of whatever hill he chose. 

5.A while back, reading one of your articles, one thing really stuck with me. You said that people don’t really change, they can however go through growth. Can you explain this concept one more time?

People don't change, we grow. Like the rings on a tree, what we were is still in there and a part of our overall structure. Pretending you didn't happen, or that it's no longer a part of you, is a guarantee path to failure. “I'm a new man” is a phrase used by liars and idiots trying to convince themselves and others that the old way isn't there any longer as a means to avoid consequences from the choices you made or as a means of avoiding the feelings within yourself. There are no fresh starts, just forks in the path we walk. The sooner people accept that the quicker they'll be able to adapt who they are now to life and succeed. 

6.What advice can you give to those who are struggling with trauma and guilt?

This will ruffle some feathers because it always does however they need to accept that everything is their fault.

EVERYTHING is your fault.

I don't care if it's accurate, it doesn't matter if you can prove otherwise. All you're advocating for is your right to victimhood and, as a result, life is just something that happens to you. You have no control, no influence, no way out. However, if you accept that it's your fault, that puts your mind in the set where “I got myself into this mess, that means I can get out”. Establishing control is the only way forward. The only way to do that is to be the cause of the problem. 

However, that's just in relation to things that have befallen you. Applying this same logic to your own actions, admitting it's your fault without excuses or explanations, is the only way to hold yourself together. 100% of guilty men sleep the night they're arrested. Nothing is troubling us and keeping us awake. We understand, whether we admit it to others or not, that we're supposed to be in that cell and accept the situation we're in. Only victims lose sleep.

The quicker you admit it's your fault, the sooner those painful traumas and wracking guilt become little more than stories you can tell. There's no boogie men, just you and the life you made. 

7.I love that you never victimize yourself and actually it has become such a problem in society today. So many people act like victims, yet here you are, someone who has gone through years and years of tremendous traumatic experiences and you never do that. Can you explain how this attitude has affected your life?

I think I accidentally just explained why I'm trauma free in the previous question. Yeah, on paper it looks like I should be a mess. A was a mule by the age of 8, robbing drug dealers and stash houses in my teens, homelessness, prison, fighting (literally) the whole way, plus all of the crap you imagine happens to a kid in that kind of life, but it's all mine. It all belongs to me. I wasn't a pinball being knocked around but rather an active participant. Even when I was killed (I got better obviously) I was able to look at it afterwards as being something I had called down onto myself. It's all me so my options are to hate myself or have a laugh about it. The latter is more fun. 

8.Now, naturally, on writing. You write like a seasoned pro. Beautiful words about life, your resent fiction was magnificent as well. Can you tell us how did you get to this point in writing? Was it reading many books?

My writing, now this is going to be a hot mess. 100% of my ability comes from writing letters when I was locked up and figuring it out since I've been on Substack by seeing what y'all do. I never get past the 9th grade and couldn't read until after I was locked up. Guys in the joint taught me how so I could get my GED and because down time is an absolute nightmare, especially the Hole (solitary confinement) for guys who can't read. It wasn't from reading books. Truth be told, I've maybe read a dozen in my entire life. Even the average article on here is difficult for me to get through because I still have trouble with comprehension and understanding certain words out of context. Hell, without spell check and other computer things that underline words I screw up, I wouldn't even be able to do this. If you saw my handwriting, it looks like I might as well be using a crayon. 

That said, I'm a story teller and always have been. I'm not educated, nor am I even intelligent with my double-digit IQ, but like all hustlers I'm a genius with words and drawing people in. I always had to adapt and words were not only how I could entertain but they were how I survived. Violence is great and all, but most situations demanded manipulation, or an ability to endear others to me, in order to get through them. Especially when I was a kid. That was always my superpower. I could use words to get myself into, and out of, just about anything.

9.You write from the heart, it always feels real. What advice would you give to those why are afraid to “be themselves”?

Advice for people being themselves? You actually don't have a choice if you want to thrive or be happy. Everything a Pho-fur person does is a struggle and stressful and ultimately fails. You're all miserable by choice because you think playing make-believe is how you accomplish things and that your act is somehow more sophisticated than the human condition itself. Have you ever met that popular asshole that everyone seems to be drawn to in spite of him being awful? That's because he's authentically that way. People have no natural defense against a genuine human being regardless of their actual personality. We're drawn to real and naturally fall in line with those who have it. The unconscious lizard part of our brains can sense it independently of rational thoughts. So, twisting yourself into a knot in order to be liked or accepted actually has the opposite effect. “People will like me if I'm less bitchy”. People adore bitches so long as that's actually how they are. Who you are as an individual is irrelevant. So long as you be that honestly and unapologetically, people will be drawn to you. Human beings are fine with a devil we can see, it's the scent of something being hidden that makes us recoil. So you might as well be you because there actually aren't any other options. 

10.Let’s do a bit of trivia type stuff. What are your favorite films and why?

Favorite films. I suppose those would be comfort ones I can keep coming back to again and again. “Nobody”, “Gangs Of New York”, “The Hunt”, “Snatch”, ‘The Gentleman”, and “Serenity” I guess to name a few. Feel free to Psychoanalyze. Not the most interesting list I'm sure, but I like what I like. I like disfunctional heroes and movies with a villain you hate to love.

11.Favorite music? Does it play a big role in your life?

Favorite music. That's easier. I'm a Blue's guy. I like dirty guitars and dirtier voices. Even the more modern versions like Kaleo, Brent Cobb, Dorothy, etc. (B.B. and Albert are still the Kings though). Anyone who can smile while listening to music so dark is someone I can have a conversation with because you see the beauty in the suffering. 

12.Finally, favorite book?

Favorite Book. Well, not that there's a big list to choose from however “Alexander; the virtue's of war” by Steven Pressfield is one I've read several times and one of three I own. 

13.Now, a question I ask most people I interview. What is your outlook on the current world and the future?

What is my outlook on the current world and the future? I think it's all going to be fine. Not for everyone or people individually or according to how they want things to go, but in the big picture things will be fine. Whatever it is you're attached to or believe won't be, everything decays and comes apart, but that's just the way of the world. Something else comes out the other side and those who live in it will love it until it's turn comes to shatter. The Barbarians are always at the gates and that's a good thing. Be adaptable and you'll be fine too. I'm a doom-optimist so my take is surprisingly upbeat given my confidence in the drama of change. 

14.Last question. Can you tell us one thing that no one knows about you?

One thing no one knows about me? Thats a bit unfair given my wife knows all the ins and outs of me right down to things I didn't know about myself until she pointed them out. In relation to people here in the interwebs, I won't wear shirts with words, pictures or logos. 90% of the time it's just plain white. When I first got out I had shirts with sayings and images but kept getting ‘noided and becoming aggressive with people who were glancing at my shirt because I thought they were eyeballing me. Dysfunctional, I know, so I stopped buying ones like that.