A Thousand Thanks. Not Enough

Worry is pointless and does nothing to help

Photo by Laela Sequoia on Unsplash

I don’t know why I worry.

When I packed my bags in 2021, took my daughter by the hand, and moved all the way to Ghana, worrying about where I would stay and what work I would do, I lacked nothing.

When my work in Ghana was done and I needed to return to the United States, I again worried about where I would stay and what work I would do. All of my needs were met. The moment I stepped into the United States, people just showed up to help me. In the first three days, a good friend opened their home to me, and when I started searching for my own place to rent, I found one effortlessly and at a remarkably low cost. I stayed a year and saved so much.

One day, the owner of the house I was renting told me she wanted to sell the property. She asked if I was interested in buying, and if I wasn’t, then I would have to move out by the end of that month.

I wanted to buy the house, not because it was nice. It was an old house that would need a lot of work, but the backyard had my heart. It was huge, and I envisioned farming the land, growing my own food, and such.

I did everything I could, but I couldn’t buy the house. As a single person, to purchase a house, I would need to either get a co-signer (in other words, find someone to marry) or earn significantly more money. Getting a co-signer was out of the question. I value my freedom too much to put myself in that situation.

So, I decided to move out, and I had less than a week to do so.

I worried, as I always do.

But the way I found my current place still amazes me.

The week before I was supposed to move out, I emailed several places I was interested in renting. At first, it was a back-and-forth with multiple property managers, and suddenly, all the conversations stopped… at the same time, and I couldn’t understand why.

I had only one week left to find a place. I had spent so much time trying to buy the house that I didn’t have much time left. I double- and triple-emailed these folks, but received no response.

“What in the world?” I thought.

One day, I was sitting at home when I received an email from a lady who had an entire basement in her brand new house for rent.

It was mine.

And all the folks who randomly stop talking to me? It wasn’t them. It was God, or I would have settled. I would have signed a lease to a place that God had not assigned for me.

The same day I signed the lease for my new basement home, all their messages flooded in… back to back. One person said she didn’t reach out earlier because she was at her sister’s wedding and apologized, asking if I wanted to see the place. Another admitted she completely forgot to reply, and the third was just begging me to rent her place, even offering me a discount.

Tell me that wasn’t a divine orchestration.

My new home is so beautiful that when my daughter saw it, her jaw dropped, and she said, ‘Wow, it’s like a house.’

And indeed it is.

It is the house that God intended for me to live in for now.

And do you know the coolest part about all this?

My new landlady is a woman of faith who is spiritually gifted in ways I can only aspire to. She is a middle-aged woman with experience and wisdom, and she loves God as much as I do. She visits, and we spend hours talking about God.

One time, we talked so long that I was late for work. I thought we had been talking for minutes, but it turned out to be hours. Time seemed to stand still during that moment, and when we both realized it, we were amazed. I could have listened to her talk all day. I was meant to meet her, so fate intervened and blocked everyone else, and I am deeply grateful to God.

I am aware of what He had done.

And these aren’t the only times I’ve seen God do amazing in my life.

I’ve seen so much of God’s handiwork that I feel I haven’t shown enough gratitude. I’ve thanked Him a thousand times, and still, it feels like it’s not enough.

He deserves so much more.

So I have decided that every breath I take will be a “thank you” to God. That every beat of my heart must give thanks to God. Every word that comes out of my mouth or flows through my fingers must be an act of gratitude to God. The songs I hum throughout the day are a testament to my thankfulness to God. Even the tears of joy I shed when I come home every night and feel this peace in my new home must serve as a gesture of thanks to God.

But I doubt that it will be enough.

If you have also witnessed wonders in your life and know that God supplies all your needs, then help me thank the Most High God for everything He has done and continues to do. Although I don’t believe all of our thanks combined would be enough.

Therefore, I speak to the flowers and the rocks and the trees and the birds and the waters and the critters and the sun and the moon and the stars and everything that has consciousness to help me give thanks.

Yes.

And no.

I’m not crazy.

I simply remember the goodness of God.

It’s easy to forget what God has done in the past during difficult times, but it’s exactly then that we need to remember His goodness.

I wanted to buy a house, but it wasn’t a need. God doesn’t care much about what I want. He cares about what I need. What I truly needed was a roof over my head.

There is not a single need that God has not provided for me.

So why then do I worry?

Worry is a natural human emotion that often arises from our attempts to prepare for the future and solve problems. For me, worry is triggered when the future feels uncertain. I feel very uncomfortable in times of uncertainty.

Now I can look back on the times I spent so much energy worrying. I would wake up in the middle of the night because I couldn’t sleep. I was worried sick, and when I worry, I can’t eat, sleep, or do anything creative. During that whole week when I was stressing about where I would be, I couldn’t write a single thing!

But all of that was for what?

Worry is completely pointless. It didn’t help at all. It does nothing to help but takes away our peace and joy.

I choose now to worry less. I refuse to trade my peace of mind for temporary anxiety.

Sure. Worry still creeps in from time to time, but when they do, I take thoughts captive and bring them into the submission of God’s truth.

Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothed the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you — you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Matthew 6:25–33)